By Sarah Jane and Dominic Campbell
SEX PARTY OPINIONS FROM BOTH SEXES, THE REBRANDING OF SARAH JANE AND AND THE HIGHS AND LOWS OF A SEXPRENEUR
How is it every time I tell people that I run sex parties they look at me like I’m a walking STD? Firstly, let me get one thing straight – the lifestyle isn’t for everybody, and I guess neither is playing golf or taking a trip down to your local karaoke bar, is it? What pleases one, may not please another and to be quite frank, it’s none of your fucking business. People have specific tastes and we, as humans, go about our lives selflessly selfish. For the best part of 6 years now I have
travelled the world and hosted parties for many singles and couples in various luxury locations and fabulous destinations. I am PAID to host and when I say “host” I actually mean, “work my little butt off in making sure people have a jolly good time!” This also doesn’t mean I flutter around giving people blow jobs and having sex, and anyone knows in an event situation, whether you are planning a wedding, a birthday or a monkeys tea party - it is hard WORK and we graft.
So I have graced a few newspaper publications this week talking about my lifestyle and what I do and it surprises me how awful peoples opinions can be. In fact, damn right rude and I want to clarify now that it is not the comments that get to me, it is the lack of understanding and “education” the public who have never participated in this lifestyle that make me fall off my chair flabbergasted.
If you have not been, you do not know and if you don’t know you cannot comment – it’s really as simple as that. When I was in school, fuck knows what I wanted to do, I was always a little woman with big opinions, and yes, at 34 years old I still don’t really know, I guess I just do what makes me happy, what I am passionate about, and how when making people smile through MY hard work really makes me go home and sleep well. I am notoriously good at what I do and I know how to entertain and captivate a room.
It made sense for me to get a male opinion on sex parties, so with this article, I introduce to you, a very good friend of mine who has played in the industry for a while now. I hope you find his comments valuable and I that if you are either a woman or a guy reading this you will learn to appreciate, back the fuck off and take it in just like one should … I am living and executing my passion – what are you doing about yours, eh?
I welcome Dom:
Hi guys! My name is Dominic and I am a sex addict - I'm not, but that's what people think they hear when I tell them about my lifestyle choices. What's crazier is that when I tell people that I go to sex parties, the first thing they usually reply with is "but aren't you worried about catching something?".
That statement alone lets me know that using protection isn't in the forefront of people's minds when it comes to casual sex; and that in itself is more worrying that any amount of sex parties I could ever attend. But to put you at ease; no, we aren't worried about catching something because we all use protection and those within the seedy world of sex parties and orgies are checked regularly. So there's that one out of the way.
Those who know me know I am in a fairly open relationship. Not open to the point I can do whatever I want, but open enough to be able to discuss potential situations with my partner and act on them if we both feel the situation is right. But it wasn't always this way.
This underground world of debauchery is something still fairly infant to me; making my debut only three and a bit years ago. It would have been sooner had somebody offered me the key to the kingdom, but instead I stood outside of a locked door staring through a window and wondering what a life like that would actually be like.
Answer: it’s fucking great.
I mean, don't get me wrong, the lifestyle certainly isn't for everybody and there have been times where I have had to ask some serious questions over what my boundaries are within my relationship. To begin with, there were a fair few boundaries in place; but after a few years those boundaries begin to disappear. Imagine it like running through a hall of mirrors. A giant fuckoff XXX rated hall of mirrors. To get to the end you are faced with routes that force you to take a look at yourself.
But once you come out the other end the rest of the fun fair is there ready to be enjoyed; the fun, the excitement, the women that you have to be this tall to ride...
You definitely learn a lot about yourself. It's a journey of self-discovery and sometimes you end up unhappy with what you actually find. Not in this instance, but I am just saying it could happen. For example, when you first start watching porn in your teens, everything is exciting. You click one video and you're good to go. Two girls kissing? Bingo! MILF gives handjob? Sweet! [Insert famous actress name here] topless? JACKPOT! But as you get older and your tastes develop, you find yourself trying to find more extreme versions and spending an hour just searching through videos on PornHub.
And I suppose sex parties aren't much different. *shrugs*.
At first you are willing to go with the flow. You'll take whatever you can get. It's like an all you can eat sex buffet. You just take it because it's on offer. Eventually, though, you realise that all you can eat really isn't worth it and you start to become far more particular about what you choose. You realise that sex parties aren't all about the sex at all, but in actual reality the focus is on socialising with people of the same mindset, making friends and being able to express yourself freely without judgement. And then having sex with them. So yeah, mostly about the sex because that’s what sets it apart from a normal party. Otherwise we would all just be stood around a table, semi naked, eating sausage rolls and desperately trying not to make eye contact.
I took to it like a duck to water... Would be a lie. I took to it like a duck to water would be an absolute lie. Metaphorically speaking, if they were to rebuild the Titanic and it were to be everything they claimed the first one to be, I would be that. I would be the Titanic II. You see, my very first experience was... by all intents and purposes... a total shipwreck. Not because of the setting, or the crowd and not because it was new, but because of the weight of expectation backed up with a severe lack of communication made it to be so. And in this world, communication is key if it is to work.
1. the imparting or exchanging of information by speaking, writing, or using some other medium.
That's the very first lesson I learnt. It's also the fifth and sixth lesson I learnt. And again, the ninth, tenth and so on. It really is paramount. The issue we had was that despite me being new to that lifestyle, a lifestyle my girlfriend had introduced me to, I was so laid back and open that she just let me get on with it. I think in her mind I would be running around, dick out, windmilling to a big round of applause. In my mind? Well, I had no idea what to expect but it certainly wasn't that. In fact it certainly wasn't much of anything to be fair. Anything I had imagined involved my girlfriend, but we hadn't discussed it. But no. She was more content dancing, drinking gin and arranging for her two girlfriends to whisk me away into a dark room whilst she done it. Fucking hell, even looking back I think to myself what a fail. There they are trying to whisk me away, two goddesses, and I am acting like a child shouting stranger danger. Who even was that guy; somebody come collect your boyfriend!
But I didn’t know the boundaries. I wasn’t aware that this had been planned and that I was good to go off and play. The experience ended up getting the better of me and it was all a bit much to take in. I felt like I was at that buffet table, I wasn’t really hungry, but it felt as if though this would be my only chance to enjoy what’s on offer. And you know what? When you think like that you aren’t going to have a good time; it adds a bigger weight of expectation and the occasion will end up getting the best of you.
Sex parties 1 - my dick 0.
I wouldn’t say she threw me in the deep end; more so she ferried me out into the middle of the ocean, strapped a 50kg cock to my back and pushed me in. Don’t get me wrong, I still had a bit of a play and enjoyed the night, but if I was introducing somebody to that lifestyle for the very first time, I would have handled it very differently. After all, you only get to experience your first time, the first time.
I guess the saving grace is that this wasn’t technically what you would call a sex party. Anybody familiar with Torture Garden will know it’s a toe dip into an otherwise bigger world. It’s just a big rave, in a big club somewhere, with the options of sex dungeons and a couple’s room. But mainly its people dressed sexy, drinking alcohol and dancing; mainly it’s just a big club full of people like my girlfriend.
And I have changed a lot since then. I have developed, learnt and experienced things differently. I was reborn after the first failings; a failing which the girlfriend openly puts her hands up and admits she totally dropped my balls. And this is something she has tried to make right; it may have taken a few attempts, but I have finally arrived. Roll out the fucking red carpet.
At the end of the day, we are just a normal couple. We bicker, intercommunicate and have faults just like everybody else. Do we have more sex than your regular couple? Probably not. Do we have more exciting sex lives than your regular couple? Absolutely.
And there you have it. When I worked in fashion for 10 years I was so incredibly unhappy and the only thing I got from that was super friends and a new ardrobe every season. I never felt like I influenced anybody, inspired, or made another man or woman’s world “better.” Now I do that on a daily basis – who is laughing now? This industry offers many opportunities, many more new and liberated friends and the fact that I get paid to travel is even better. We must not always judge people for their life choices. A sex party actually isn’t always about “sex” its about communication, playing dress up, meeting new people and really living life. STD’s are the last thing on people minds and you know why? Because in an industry where sex may accumulate it is one of the safest spaces because you know people are tested regularly. What baffles me more, is going to a club and having a one night stand, or sex after a first date – who are they? When did they get tested and how can I trust them when they say they have been tested and do on a regular basis? You can never tell. Just like these parties – it is clean, well behaved, well managed and completely exhilarating!
Before I end this I want to thank you for following my journey - I have been obsessively busy recreating my new brand, my identity, my image and most recently launching my new website www.sarahjaneafterdark.com
AFTER DARK is officially my new breed of parties. After letting go of my first business, The Play Experience, having set that up with an ex I didn’t feel I had a lot of say in many of its logistics and planning as it was never my money. They were my ideas, but when its not your money lets just say not all folk take you too seriously. That pissed me off…a lot, certainly had to fire a few uptight security staff due to them not taking my suggestions and ordes seriously lol... I do suggest to anybody, never to rely on anyone else hen it comes to your business model, after all, thats your baby - if you have a dream you make sure you keep it close.
Now I am all grown up and making my own decisions and plans, whatever I say goes and I’m a million miles away from the old Sarah Jane who lived in Malaysia. I keep myself focused in London these days and certainly living my best life through my dirty thirties ;) Plus it helps finally being close to a few favorite London venues I have entertained in previously. What also keeps me going is the multitude of industry friends i have accumulated during these past few years, most of them now living in London, so very easy for me to piece together and get a party sorted - and quickly. That brings me back to my upcoming “afterdark”
London which will commence roughly in 7 weeks time in a very secured, opulent venue in the west end. Fell free to pop through to my website and drop me a message with your interest. By the way, speaking of parties - does anybody know where I can find 3 male little people??
(Asking for a friend)?
Love to you, SJ x
CEO OF SARAH JANE'S PARTIES
AMBASSADOR FOR CLIQUE ASIA | GYM GOD
COLUMNIST FOR GQ | FUSE MAGAZINE |
SEXPERT & SEX COLUMNIST
MODEL | BUSINESS WOMAN | ENTREPRENEUR